What Happened to You?

Title: What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

Authors: Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

What is it? A book

Who should listen to it? This book is great for anyone who works in social work, in a healthcare setting, or with children. But if that does not describe you, it’s still worth the read. And if you have experienced trauma, it can certainly put you on a path towards healing.

Two minute skinny: Written as a conversation between Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry, a leading scholar on child development and the effect of trauma on children, this book is a fascinating look into what the long term implications of trauma can be. The two authors set out to reframe the conversation around people living their lives in the wake of trauma. No longer do they want to ask, “What is wrong with you?” of a person living with the effects of trauma.  Rather, to understand why people might struggle with addiction or fail to thrive in adulthood after challenging childhoods, Oprah and Dr. Perry seek to ask the question, “What happened to you?” By asking this question and taking a deep look at the answers people give, they can both better understand the effects of trauma on a person, as well as create productive and long-lasting pathways to help build resilience and move people towards healing. Dr. Perry shares many examples of cases he has encountered over his 40 year career, many of them challenging to comprehend as cases of severe abuse and neglect can leave individuals extremely damaged. Oprah shares many poignant personal stories about trauma she experienced as a young child, and how those experiences went on to shape her as an adult and how the ghosts of those experiences haunted her until she did the personal work to understand exactly how childhood traumas had impacted her life. With the mix of personal anecdotes from Oprah with the research and case studies of Dr. Perry, the book truly feels like an intimate conversation about how fascinating and delicate human childhood development is, while at the same time highlighting the outstanding capabilities of humans to heal and develop wisdom after trauma.

Best Quotes from the book: Depending on your experiences and what you find of interest, different aspects of the book and its research may speak to you, but here are a few that spoke to us:

• “Even if you’ve accumulated a house full of nice things and the picture of your life fits inside a beautiful frame, if you have experienced trauma but haven’t excavated it, the wounded parts of you will affect everything you’ve managed to build.” – Oprah Winfrey

• “The lesson for me was that a key aspect of What happened to you? is What didn’t happen for you? What attention, nurturing touch, reassurance—basically, what love—didn’t you get? I realized that neglect is as toxic as trauma.” – Bruce D. Perry

• “Very often, “what happened” takes years to reveal itself. It takes courage to confront our actions, peel back the layers of trauma in our lives, and expose the raw truth of our past. But this is where healing begins.” – Oprah Winfrey

Rating? Worth the Investment? This book is an interesting and thought provoking look at the impact trauma early in life can have on the rest of a person’s life. We give it a 4.5 out of 5 star rating. It is certainly important to begin to reframe conversations around mental health in this country- and starting with the question, “What happened to you?” Rather than, “What is wrong with you?” Can go a long way to better understanding people and how to heal after trauma. It’s certainly worth the investment of time.

Listen, I don’t have time for a book… What else can I check out? If you think you don’t have time to read this book, we would start by recommending the audio version of the book. Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry read the book and it truly feels like a conversation between two well informed friends. It goes by quickly and is easily digestible.

But if you really don’t have time to listen to a book either, you could check out this promotion for the book tour: https://www.oprahdaily.com/entertainment/tv-movies/a36199311/oprah-bruce-perry-super-soul/

Or you could watch this conversation between Oprah and Dr. Perry at SXSW online. (39 Min)

Or you can also enjoy this conversation with Oprah and Dr. Perry about What Happened to You with the Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNIJBT5q0nI

And in case you wanted to go deeper: If you wanted to learn more about the research and career of Dr. Bruce Perry around trauma and healing you could check out his other two books:

• The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog: What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love and Healing, with Maia Szalavitz, 2007

• Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential --and Endangered, with Maia Szalavitz, 2010

Blog Post by Hallie Moberg Brauer