Dare to Lead

Title: Dare to Lead  

What is it? A book

Author: Brenè Brown, a researcher and social worker from Texas who has gained a lot of fame and popularity regarding her research on shame and vulnerability. She’s known for her TED Talks, Call to Courage on Netflix, and her numerous books.   

Who should read it? Leaders that work in tough fields where burnout, vicarious trauma, and workplace culture issues are more prevalent -- I’m thinking social services, education, mental health and addictions, first responders and ER workers. Also leaders who are working in companies where there has been (and still will be) a great deal of change/companies that are experiencing division or strife. 

Two Minute Skinny: The book opens with discussion about managing office politics, and reminding us that as leaders, we need to be our authentic selves without letting criticism and nastiness from other people hold us back from our goals. Brenè encourages us to be our authentic selves by practicing “Daring Leadership” instead of “Armored Leadership.”

She outlines 16 traits of Armored Leadership vs. Daring Leadership: 

1. Driving perfectionism and fostering fear of failure vs. Modeling and encouraging healthy striving, empathy, and self-compassion

2. Working from scarcity and squandering opportunities for joy and recognition vs. Practicing gratitude and celebrating milestones and victories 

3. Numbing vs. Setting boundaries and finding real comfort 

4. Propagating the false dichotomy of victim or viking, crushed or be crushed vs. Practicing integration - strong back, soft front, wild heart

5. Being a knower and being right vs. Being a learner and getting it right

6. Hiding behind cynicism vs. Modeling clarity, kindness, and hope

7. Using criticism as self-protection vs. Making contributions and taking risks

8. Using power over vs. Using power with, power to, and power within

9. Hustling for our worth vs. Knowing our value 

10. Leading for compliance and control vs. Cultivating commitment and shared purpose

11. Weaponizing fear and uncertainty vs. Acknowledging, naming, and normalizing collective fear and uncertainty

12. Rewarding exhaustion as a status symbol and attaching productivity to self-worth vs. Modeling and supporting rest, play, and recovery

13. Tolerating discrimination, echo chambers, and a “fitting in” culture vs. Cultivating a culture of belonging, inclusivity, and diverse perspectives

14. Collecting gold stars vs. Giving gold stars

15. Zigzagging and avoiding vs. Straight talking and taking action

16. Leading from hurt vs. Leading from heart  

While describing the differences in these leadership techniques, Brenè gives good information and practical tips on how to have tough conversations (she calls them “rumbles”) and how to display empathy and compassion while maintaining good boundaries. She also encourages each reader to  identify personal values to help guide professional and personal decision-making 

Best Quote(s): 

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

“At the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of my life, I want to say I contributed more than I criticized.” 

“Daring leaders lead from the assumption that people are doing the best they can. Period.” 

“If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today, filled with people who will never be brave with their lives but who will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those who dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fearmongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in what you have to say.” 

Rating/Is it worth your time?: I really enjoyed this book, but it is LONG and DENSE. There is a ton of information, and a lot of it is a review on themes of shame and vulnerability from her other books and talks. However, despite the length, Brenè makes several powerful connections between the foundation of her work and leadership that were huge “Aha!” moments for me. For example, she connects shame to specific workplace behaviors, discussing how to deal with issues like perfectionism, favoritism, back-channelling, gossiping, blaming, and cover-ups. 

If you work and lead in an environment that is complicated, experiencing a great deal of change, or dealing with culture issues, the book is worth your time. If not, maybe just get your Brenè fix by snuggling up on your couch and watching Call to Courage on a Saturday morning. 

Listen guys, I really don’t want to commit to reading this whole book: At the end of this blog, I’ve included the image of The Engaged Feedback Checklist -- a tool that Brenè created from this book to help leaders ground themselves before giving feedback. Using and reflecting on this tool will help you utilize many of the skills discussed in this book. 

Quite frankly, it’s worth everyone’s time to dig a little deeper into Brenè’s ideas about empathy, shame, vulnerability and just the overall human experience. I think her book, Daring Greatly, gives the best foundation for the overall themes and ideas she applies in Dare to Lead. You can also check out a couple videos to see if you think diving deeper into how Brenè’s ideas relate to leadership are worth your time. 

Daring-Feedback-Checklist

Download

Try these: 

YouTube - Brenè Brown on Empathy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw (3 min)

YouTube - The Power of Vulnerability (TEDxHouston): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o (21 min)

Netflix - Brenè Brown, The Call to Courage (1 hour, 15 min)