Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

Title: Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

Author: Emily Nagoski, PhD & Amelia Nagoski, DMA. These identical twin sisters are uniquely qualified to write this well researched and thought out book. Emily is a New York Times best selling author and her background is in counseling and health behavior. Amelia is a professor at Western New England University and does research about balance for professional musicians and fellow conductors.  

What is it? A book

Who should read it? If you find yourself struggling or exhausted, in any sector of your life, be it professional, personal, or spiritual, this book is for you. The authors state that the book is written for women, however anyone who is struggling with extreme stress and understands the harm the patriarchy causes to everyone everywhere, will benefit from reading this book.

Two minute skinny: Emily and Amelia are intelligent, witty, and charming sisters whose goal is genuinely to help women, and all people, better understand what it is about modern life that is causing us all so much stress. And they set out to answer the question, “What can we do about it?!” They seek to bring the science behind alleviating stress and burnout to everyone, knowing that the science can be hard to access for many. The book is broken up into three parts. Part 1 walks you through what stress is, and how you can work with your body to alleviate the physical symptoms of stress in your life. Part 2  tackles the actual stressors in our lives, and what we can do to break those down, even if they are as large as, say, THE PATRIARCHY itself. Finally, Part 3 offers everyday strategies on how to maintain a lower stress profile long term. 

Throughout the book, the authors have taken the stories told to them by thousands of women, and compiled them into two women, composites, who represent stories they heard over and over again. Julie is an overworked, perfectionist, middle school teacher with a teenage daughter and a marriage on the rocks. Sophie is a black woman in STEM whose body exists outside the norms of society, and she is working so hard to make the world a more just place. You will find yourself over and over again, saying, “Oh man, me too,” and rooting for these women to succeed - while simultaneously knowing exactly how it feels to be them, and why it can feel so hard. 

If there are a few important thoughts of the book to highlight, they are these. First, when you enter into a ‘stress cycle’ where a stressor is presented to you, whether it’s a prehistoric lion chasing you back to your village, or your boss calling on you unexpectedly in a meeting for an update on a project you are unprepared to give, your stress reaction of fight or flight will be the same. And it is essential, absolutely essential, that when the stressful moment has passed - you have outrun the lion, or nailed your quick explanation to your team - you must complete the stress cycle. You must do something to relieve the stress hormones coursing through your body. The sisters offer many suggestions, from exercise to physical affection. Figure out what works best for you, but simply telling your mind, ‘ok, stress is gone,’ is not enough to complete the cycle.

Overall, the book is filled with great research, a strong narrative flow, and many thought provoking questions to help you think about how to restructure your thoughts. They also offer many practical resources throughout the book in the form of worksheets and exercises to help you get to know yourself better, and to set you up for sustained success in the future. This book can certainly do nothing but help you to break down your own stress cycle, think through the stressors in your life, give you strategies to tackle the patriarchy on a daily basis, and help to ensure you put yourself first so that you can reach your full potential for others in your life. All of this while feeling like a fun and very accessible read. 

Best Quotes: Because the book is broken up into three sections, there are great quotes from each of those sections. 

Part I: What You Take with You

• “Human Giver Syndrome - the contagious belief that you have a moral obligation to give every drop of your humanity in support of others, no matter the cost to you - thrives in the patriarchy, the way mold thrives in damp basements.”

Part II: The Real Enemy

• “Bodies are imperfect, and sometimes they let us down. They are susceptible to disease and breakage and entropy. Our bodies can disappoint us, and the world can punish us when our bodies aren’t what they “should” be. So we are not suggesting that you “love your body,” like that’s an easy fix. We’re suggesting you be patient with your body and with your feelings about your body.”

Part III: Wax On, Wax Off

• “No one is “complete” without other people—and we mean this literally. To be complete without social connection is to be nourished without food. It doesn’t happen. We get hungry. We get lonely. We must feed ourselves or die. We don’t mean you “need a man” or any kind of romantic partner. We mean you need connection in any or all of its varied forms.”

Rating? Worth the Investment? Yes, this book is worth the investment - particularly if you are struggling with excessive stress in your life and you feel like there is no end in sight. This book really helps you understand how the stress in your life is harming you, and how to end the harmful symptoms of that stress. But it goes much beyond that. It discusses how the patriarchy is designed to keep women exhausted to keep them from reaching their full potential, and then gives tips on how to overcome those barriers. If you really are looking to improve the stress in your life, do yourself a favor, give this book a read. 

Listen, I can’t read this- what’s second best? If  you don’t have time for the whole book (maybe ask yourself why?), here are some shorter resources to check out: 

See the sisters on the Today Show (7 min watch): https://www.today.com/video/meet-2-sisters-on-a-mission-to-beat-burnout-76270661876

A quick NPR interview with the sisters (5 min listen): https://www.npr.org/2019/05/05/720490364/to-help-women-kick-burnout-sisters-write-book-to-understanding-stress-cycle?fbclid=IwAR26K-lU408tAD2_fW0lsr0EBa6CvFZcj5XViGKH_5dqhDdcJDWe8VLCzAE

The book and authors were featured on Brene Brown’s podcast here (1 hour listen):

The sisters have their own podcast which discusses many subtopics of the book: https://www.feministsurvivalproject.com/

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Blog Post by Hallie Moberg Brauer